She slept with wolves without fear, for the wolves knew a lion was among them.”
- R.M. Drake -
When I first started writing what you are able to read I was feeling really low. I wrote the first draft in bed while wearing sweatpants. Before you congratulate me for at least getting out of my pajamas, I wore the sweatpants to bed the previous night. In my defense, it’s winter in the UK, but still . . .
I began writing this blog as an outlet for the deep sadness and overwhelming frustration I was feeling about the unequal gender dynamics that were playing out in my work. Dynamics that I knew from my frequent discussions with other women “climate workers”, were also playing out on climate change projects at all levels and in all parts of the world, almost always in much more profound ways than I was experiencing.
I have t-shirt that reads, “Empowered women empower women”. I bought it as a reminder of what I endeavour to do in my work and in my life: empower young women from the global South (and young men also). But I forgot that I must be empowered to empower others. At the root of the deep melancholy which prompted me to write this blog is a sense that I have failed the young women I work with by not being a good example; in allowing myself to be sidelined and diminished.
As a white, cis-gender, heterosexual woman from the global North I know I am privileged. In the hierarchy of life – the socially constructed ladder, which dictates our worth as we walk through life – I know that I am closer to the top than the bottom. I have many soul sisters- or sisters from another mother– who are Black women from the global South. Their place on this invisible, yet pervasive, hierarchy is much closer to the bottom. Yet, all of us have much more power to stand up to a system that continues to oppress us than vulnerable women. I believe that we have an obligation to those women to refuse to be sidelined and to ensure that they are not further marginalized as we do our work on climate change.
For years I have been building up men in my work. Sometimes my role in projects is entirely invisible. For the most part I am usually just happy that a project is happening and hope it makes a difference; and unconcerned with whether I get credit for my role or not. Recently, however I reached the limit. You know when you have reached your limit and something inside of you rises up like an angry, fiery dragon and just says (in a fire breathing voice), “No more” (there may have been some more colourful language used to articulate this point, but as my Mum might read this blog . . . )? That is what happened to me the other day. After the realization that I had to stop allowing myself to be sidelined in my work I felt not only mentally low but also physically unwell for several days. Oppression and suppression have a physical cost in pain that takes up increasing space in the body until its root cause is addressed. If this is how it felt for me, I wondered how must it feel to be a BIPoC woman in the global South without land of her own because the state does not favour land ownership by women, and who is therefore struggling to feed her family?
The unravelling which prompted this manifesto of sorts began when late last year I was shouted at during a call by a partner in a project I was working on. Tensions were high and workloads overwhelming and on that day this person decided to take his frustrations out on me. I do not remember a time when I felt more diminished and I have worked under conditions in which my colleagues and I could likely have been declared clinically insane due to lack of sleep (anyone who’s been to a COP knows what I’m talking about). I wonder if he would have spoken to me in such a way if I was a man. As my History of International Relations professor used to say, “We can’t prove the counter-factual”. Yet, one wonders . . .
It took me several weeks to process that experience. It still feels surreal that it happened and that I let it happen even as I write this. In retrospect I was paralyzed at the time, suspended by both disbelief and a deep shame. In a way I’m grateful for that experience because it helped me realize that I am letting myself be treated as if I am less worthy on a daily basis simply because I am a woman. Despite the fact that I call myself a feminist, patriarchal gender norms are deeply embedded in me and play out in my work. I am an enabler of gender inequality and so are many of us.
A few weeks ago on one of the projects I work on a young woman from a vulnerable developing country was excluded from participating in a discussion I was engaged in, not because she is not good enough but because she is TOO good. She is intelligent and driven; she works hard and is passionate about her work and making a different in her country. She is therefore a threat to the men around her. I wish I could say her (most recent) experience is a rare occurrence but it is not. Many of the young women I work with face gate keepers to engaging in climate policy.
The other day I was on a call with several men, both white and BIPoC, from both the global North and the global South. I wasn’t chairing the call so I just observed the interactions for a little while. The men tended to be more assertive, the women more deferential. I notice that I qualify my language more than many, and this is not just because I am Canadian. It struck me that many men are socialized to have a sense of entitlement. One of my colleagues told me recently that at the last COP she attended her male colleagues suggested that she and the other women on the delegation cook dinner for the delegation every night. As if a woman has nothing better to do after a twelve hour-plus day of multi-lateral negotiations than cook for and serve men. Seriously fellas?
Most of the men I work with would call themselves feminists. They believe in gender equality. We collectively advocate for vulnerable girls women in the global South in our work together every single day. We recognize that vulnerability is a social construct that is influenced by patriarchal norms, exclusion and marginality based on categories like gender and race – among others. Yet, the very conditions that exacerbate vulnerability play out in our work every day.
I believe this is because of the programming we received as children and the influence of pervasive social norms that flourish today. Newsflash folks: your subconscious is running the show and it will continue to do so unless (lean in closer, this is super important) you recognize and correct the scripts you were programmed with as a child. What does that actually mean? Well, you might have to watch your thoughts and observe as subconscious biases arise. Only when you are aware of what needs to be changed, can you make the changes that need to be made.
Just as we need to understand how BIPoC colleagues experience racism as a precondition to achieving racial justice and equality, we must understand how women experience sexism and misogyny to achieve gender equality. Men: ask the women you work and interact with to tell you share with you how they experience the world and ask them what you can do to promote gender equality – and (this is a big one so lean in again) actively listen to what they tell you.
Nineteenth century American sociologist, W.E.B Dubois is alleged to have said, “there is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise.” I feel that truth today (and thus have now graduated to yoga pants and a hoodie – this is lockdown after all) and I want the young women I work with to feel that too, with every fibre of their being. I will not allow myself to be marginalized, diminished, sidelined or ostracized and I will not stand by while this happens to other women. I have a voice and I will use it. I hope you will use yours too.
In a previous blog I wrote about how we need to imagine a new world before we create it. The world I envision is one in which all humans are equal no matter how they look, how they identify on the gender spectrum, who they choose to love or how much money they have. In the world I dream of ecosystems and the flora and fauna within them are thriving. Global solidarity on climate change and ambitious collective action has kept global average warming below 1.5°. I honestly believe that we can achieve all of that. In order to do so, however, we must first confront the reality of where we are and how we perpetrate the patriarchal driven gender norms in our work and in our lives. In short: we must all be feminists and act like it.
Usually described as a climate policy researcher and strategist, Erin Roberts secretly (perhaps not so much anymore) considers herself a connector of people and ideas. She is passionate about empowering young climate leaders from the global South. Her “Why” is ensuring that all humans have what they need to thrive in the midst of climate change.
